Friday, June 15, 2012

I'm not tough... but it's all good

When identity is fleeting, what in the world can we hold onto?

The more I talk to people and learn wisdom in social exegesis, I'm convinced that many of us are walking this life on a path of identity crisis.  I know I've been fighting to figure out and define who I am.  And not only to know me, but to be me.

Maybe I'm the only one.

Nah.  I know I'm not.

Since I can remember, I've struggled with trying to be what I'm not instead of being content in what I am.   Resisted the person underneath.  The light He put in me I've tried to snuff or change, and Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry. I'm not exactly sure why I've wanted to be different than who I am, but I suppose the why isn't the point.  Insecurity is the result regardless of the reason.  

Frankly, I'm done with trying to figure that out.  I'm ready to move on.  Ready to live out of the light that burns inside my heart, ready to turn over the leaf of false and reveal authenticity.

"He died for the sake of all so that those who are alive should live not for themselves but for the one who died for them and was raised.  So then, from this point on we won’t recognize people by human standards. Even though we used to know Christ by human standards, that isn't how we know him now.  So then, if anyone is in Christ, that person is part of the new creation. The old things have gone away, and look, new things have arrived!"  - 2 Corinthians 5:15-17 (CEB) {emphasis mine}

And to live out of who I am takes courage.  Sometimes it's downright scary to open my heart and bare my soul.  But I can no longer recognize myself by human standards.  I need to see what God sees.  And in order to walk on the path Jesus paved for me with His death and resurrection so I could be free (Rom. 8:2), secure (Rom. 8:38-39), sacred (1 Cor. 3:16), important (1 Cor. 12:27), bright (Matt. 5:14), God's child (John 1:12), able (Phil. 4:13), redeemed (Col. 1:14), and more...I need to be brave.   

"But what if they don't like the real you?" hisses the filthy snake.  Though I've engaged in that conversation with him many times, today I raise a hand, stomp a food and retort, "No!"

Jesus's strength covers my weakness, and He defends me.  I'm strong in Him again today.  If they don't like ME, well, too bad for them.  "Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant." - Galatians 1:10 (NLT)   I live for the One who made me.  He can make me strong for that kind of living.

And yes, I can be strong, but, no, I'm not tough.  Because that's not me ... though, Lord knows I've tried.  Built walls and attempted many things to prove a lie.  And how impossible is that?  No, I'm not the tough one.  Longing to be didn't change me. Striving for toughness and pretending only ended up hurting me more.  

I'm the sweet one. Compassionate. Gentle of heart. Vulnerable. Tender.  I'll be honest - if you wanted to hurt me, you probably could.  Which is why I need the protection of my God and my husband.  In the provision of God's covering, I am hidden and safe (Psalm 18:2, Col. 3:3-4)   But, even if people hurt me, I won't stop being the "shining with fame" free-flying bird God made me to be.  I'll be healed and I'll soar above.  I will choose to live out of the ME that my Father created.  I choose to trust that He'll keep me safe in His Hand.

So, who are you?  And how can you live out of your true identity, and be you ... nothing less?

Father, let us be true.


  1. Robyn, you are such an elegant writer. I love how you wrote that you have struggled with trying to be what you are NOT. That statement is two-fold for me, I struggle with thinking, "why can't I be more like this or like that" and more recently I've thought and even have said out loud in recent days, "I am not THAT girl, so why do people see me this way!?"...I find this heart breaking and completely gut-wrenching until I remember exactly what you have said...God has put a light in me, something completely unique that is meant to share and it is not MY concern, or frankly, my business what people think of me...God gets me through and through and that REALLY is all that matters! Remember right now, remember tomorrow, remember always, this is my prayer for me!

  2. Thanks for that hopeful reminder, Cory. God does get us through every day, and He is faithful. It's peaceful to remember that His opinion is the only one that really matters, and His opinion of us is GOOD. I love learning truth together!