I'm a soldier who fights with love instead of a gun or a sword.
And most days my weapon doesn't look very effective in the face of gerder-cide and suicide and homicide. Lives and souls hang in the balance and I'm desperate to know I can still fight back. Because who wants to be defenseless when life is so dangerous?
Last week I was wrecked by an article about the plight of women in India. Then I was ruined by a trailer for a documentary about girls in China and India. Literally, I could not stop thinking, crying, praying, and wanting to fight. I think it's the activist in me. I've always been like this. I hope it's the way He made me, and not some outside expectation.
Six months ago if you had told me I was going to battle I would have thrown a tantrum and said "I'm not healthy enough - I'm too broken, too wounded, too hurt. I just can't." I've spent the last six months in emotional rehab. Jesus has opened my heart and performed light-shining surgery. I can't even begin to express how much I needed it or how thankful I am for it.
I'm ready for battle.
This morning I fight with the weapon of prayer as a dear friend grieves over the suicide of a close friend/co-worker/prayer partner. I cry with her and for her and my tears are arrows piercing the enemy of our souls. Because My God sees my tears, and hears my prayers and sees these weapons of love that slice through evil and move His hand to action.
Because this battle is not mine.
David answered, "You come at me with sword and spear and battle-ax. I come at you in the name of God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God of Israel's troops, whom you curse and mock. This very day God is handing you over to me. I'm about to kill you, cut off your head, and serve up your body and the bodies of your Philistine buddies to the crows and coyotes. The whole earth will know that there's an extraordinary God in Israel. And everyone gathered here will learn that God doesn't save by means of sword or spear. The battle belongs to God—he's handing you to us on a platter!" - 1 Samuel 17:45-47 (Msg.)
God owns the fight and the war and the battle ... and the victory. It belongs to Jesus. It's His. With great honor and hope I get to fight on His side. With these seemingly-feeble, yet authentically-powerful weapons of love.
Yesterday a missionary shared with me that she doesn't worry about the money because, "that's God's job. It's my job to love people. If He wants this thing funded, He'll provide for it." [I'm somewhat paraphrasing, so forgive me - I'm pretty sure that was what she said] Basically - it's His battle. We get to be in His victorious army. We have the privilege of fighting for the One who wins.
He is Sovereign, even when it hurts and even when I'm shaking in my gospel-shod boots.
Lord, give me courage to fight with love. Give me wisdom to know good war maneuvers against that enemy whom I hate. Give me the power of Your Spirit. I trust that You've got this. Yes, this too is Yours.